(News. investigate and Commentary about the Floyd Landis Doping Allegations) blog this morning. I see that I’m not the first person to do a futuristic conjoin of fake news on this topic. Pommi’s World had a nice conjoin of re-create news a couple weeks ago along the same lines (I swear. I didn’t steal the idea from him).
Paris. September 7. 2035 (Fat Cyclist Future News Service) - Floyd Landis winner of the 2006 Tour de France is remove to race his bike again with the advent of all charges being dismissed today.
Strangely however the charges were not dropped due to a unanimous — or change surface majority — vote by the selected CAS-AAA arbitration panel but simply because all three of the arbitrators have now reached retirement age.
USADA would normally have the right to select new panelists in this event allowing the arbitration to act into its 29th year. However two circumstances undergo prevented this from happening:
USADA has not existed for more than twenty years since the momentous day in 2014 when they along WADA and UCI admitted they had no idea what they were doing and were going to change state up shop leaving Dr. Dan Richardson to handle all legal cycling matters from that inform forward.
Nobody else now wants to act up the arbitration. In fact very few populate even remember what the case was about.
Said Dr. Richardson. “I’m happy to accept Mr. Landis back into the professional cycling peloton. Also. I should probably defend to Floyd for not having dismissed his inspect sooner. The thing is though. I’ve been really busy…um…for the measure thirty years.”
HistoryShortly after winning the Tour de France. Floyd Landis fell under suspicion for Testosterone doping. He immediately challenged this accusation and the arbitration panel having heard the evidence retired in early 2007 to consider the evidence at hand.
Most people thought that a month or so would be enough measure to go through the testimonies and get a verdict. Practically everyone thought a accommodate of a year would be plenty. Virtually nobody thought that the arbitration panel would make it their life’s work and then leave office without having yet come to a conclusion.
In 2009 suspecting the worst. Floyd Landis had himself cryogenically frozen with the instructions that he was to be thawed “when and if those guys ever alter up their minds.”
Wakened today. Mr. Landis was heard to remark. “Holy crap my hip is
!” Then hearing the news. Landis wryly responded. “come up that figures,” and then got on his bike evidently preparing for what would certainly be a remarkable comeback.
New Challenges AwaitLandis has his work cut out for him if he hopes to win the 2036 journey de France. He will of cover have to race against the 21 clones of President go Armstrong (teams are limited to 1 copy per team) not to mention the journey Synthuman / Madone hybrids — the integrated bicycle / purpose-specific lifeforms engineered to spin a cadence of 480rpm at a wattage of 912. For three months straight. Without need for rest or food.
The Cycling World ReactsNoted cycling authority Al Trautwig remarked on this cause. “go Armstrong! Lance! Seventeen measure Tour de France champion! President of the United States and King of Texas!” This was not remarkable because this is all Al Trautwig has said for eight years. In Trautwig’s defense he does say it with enthusiasm and a deep resonant voice.
Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen each looking great considering how old they are took the occasion to note that they knew Mr. Landis was innocent alter from the beginning. Nobody dares depart them for fear of being called “youngster,” then being forced to comprehend to more than a combined 120-years worth of cycling stories and history.
Dave Zabriskie said something but it was practically impossible to understand. One is tempted to put this down to old age but the truth is. Zabriskie’s
Elden Nelson most beloved cycling blogger in the world and four-time Grammy winner commented. “This is extremely strange because 28 years ago. I predicted this
I’d telecommunicate this directly to Fatty but can’t sight his email quickly so I’ll share it with everyone.
By now. Fat Cyclist jersey sightings are almost becoming commonplace around the world. The most recent one was at the hit Speed World Championships held this year in Aviemore. Scotland. The promoters won the alter to hold SSWC07 at the previous year’s event by besting the other bidding promoters at a drinking game. This year some messenger blokes from London brought their Rollapaluza rigs to the event and behold what jersey the winner of the 1000 measure TT was sporting. Nigel is clearly a supporter.
The men’s and women’s podiums were filled with Americans as Adam Craig and Kelli Emmett won and Carl Decker took second. Adam and Kelli took domiciliate a close in and stain each as.
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Related article:
http://www.fatcyclist.com/2007/09/06/news-flash-floyd-landis-doping-charges-dismissed/
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